Party
by TheGroosenator
Summary: Commander Joe Shepard is bored until he finds out that his entire crew is throwing a party... and didn't invite him. (Warning: contains swearing, Renegade Shepard, and a 4th Wall breach)


**Crappy title is crappy.**

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Commander Joe Shepard sat down in front of his private terminal, his trusty issue of Fornax in his hand as he flipped through the pages lazily. It was one of those days when the Normandy was really quiet and there were no missions to be done at the immediate moment. The whole crew seemed to be bored. Except for Mordin; he always kept busy by studying something. Shepard had done everything he could think of to occupy his rare free time. He played Tetris (High Score: 999,999,999,999 points), Call of Duty (Kill-Death ratio: 0-1,000), Skyrim (rage quit after not long), and even Mass Effect 2 (4th Wall = broken). Nothing on the Extranet amused him either.

"This is why I hate downtime between missions... Damn, why is it so cold in here? EDI?" Shepard called to seemingly no one.

"Yes, Shepard?" EDI responded from the speaker in the room.

"Turn the heat up, will you? It's freezing in here."

"That statement is illogical, Shepard. I calculate that the temperature in your room is about 56 degrees and is not 'freezing.' Freezing temperature would be at a temperature of 0 degrees." The AI responded in what could be heard as a sarcastic tone. Shepard just rolled his eyes.

"..."

"That was a joke." EDI said. The vents opened and and warm air filled the room. Shepard sighed in relief as he instantly felt much better.

"Thank you, EDI. That'll be all."

"Logging you out, Shepard." EDI said before disconnecting from Shepard's cabin. Shepard leaned back in his chair and sighed again. He then heard Something coming from the vent. He looked toward the vent in confusion. Was there something-or someone- in the vent? No. This sounded different; almost like music. It was distant, but was still able to be heard.

"EDI? Where is that music coming from?" the commander asked.

"I can detect that the vent you are hearing the music coming from is- at some point- connected to the Starboard Lounge on Deck 3. It is most likely coming from that location." EDI replied over the speakers again.

"Thanks EDI. That'll be all."

"Logging you out, Shepard." Shepard then got out of his chair and took the elevator down two decks below.

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*IN THE STARBOARD LOUNGE*

The music blasted out of the speakers as Mordin, Garrus, Thane, Tali, Grunt, Legion, Jack, Samara, Miranda, Jacob, Kasumi, Zaeed, Kelly, Ken, Gabby, and Chakwas all danced and/or sat around the really cluttered room. Well, Grunt wasn't really dancing; more like awkwardly shuffling his feet to the music and Legion just stood to the side watching everyone. Those who were sitting around had different wines, beers, brandies, or whatever type of alcoholic drink their species could drink both in their hands and scattered all over the floor. Everyone was so absorbed in their activities that no one seemed to notice the doors open and the Commander step into the room

Jack, who had been serving as the DJ for this party, was the first one to notice Shepard standing in the doorway and abruptly stopped the music. Once the music was stopped, everyone turned their attention to the door and looked in horror at Shepard who simply stood at the door with his arms crossed.

"Shepard... uh... we can explain..." Garrus started to say.

"It was the Salarian's idea!" Grunt interrupted.

"My fault? Illogical. Could not have planned this. Stayed in Tech Labs. Ran experiments. Do not have anything to do with this. Just a participant. Most likely Jack's idea."

"Shut the hell up, you! It wasn't me! It... it was Garrus!"

"No way! It was... Tali!"

"Ugh! I did not! It was that bosh'tet Miranda!"

"Hey! You wanna call me that again you Quarian bi-"

POW! POW! POW!

Everyone immediately shut up as Shepard put his pistol back into its holster after firing three loud shoots straight up at the ceiling.

"I am very disappointed in you! All of you!" Shepard shouted, the anger clear in his eyes. "You threw a party without my permission in MY ship! Then you start blaming everyone else like a bunch of immature children! And to top it off, you brought alcohol! ALCOHOL! You all know I have a strict 'No drinking' policy that is always in effect unless I specifically say otherwise!"

"Shepard, please, we can expla-" Chakwas began to say.

"All of that, I can deal with, though. I'm not angry about all that. Can anyone guess what I'm REALLY mad about here?" Shepard interrupted. No one dared to speak as Shepard seemed way too pissed at the moment. The commander then walked over to The table which still had plenty of unopened bottles of beer and grabbed one.

"The thing that pisses me off... " Shepard said with a sudden smirk as he popped off the cap to the bottle. "is the fact that i wasn't invited!" And with that, he chugged the whole bottle right there.

"Drink up everyone!" He cried out as soon as he finished. With that, Jack turned back on the music and the party started once again, with Shepard doing a little dance he liked to call... "The Shepard."

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**Well, not as random and chaotic as my other stories, but it was just a little idea I had. This is probably what the whole crew does when Shepard's on missions anyway. First of all, I know thee Normandy doesn't have a lounge in Mass Effect 2, but this is my fic, and that's how I want it. Secondly, I know the whole crew won't fit in that one room, but in this fic, the room's a lot bigger, okay? I normally don't make my Shepard as much of a Renegade like he is here, but this is what I wanted to do. It seemed right. And if you look at Shepard's Kill-Death ratio for Call of Duty at the beginning, you'll notice how much Shepard sucks at Call of Duty. :P Oh well. gotta go now. Stuff to do, us know? Like sleeping. It's about 1:00 in the morning right now as I'm posting this, and I need to just shut up and go. Bye everyone! I shall be back! Leave a review! BUT LOG IN BEFORE YOU REVIEW! I hate anonymous reviews!**


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